May 15, 2005

轉載:巴黎偏見終結篇

周丹穎

印象中二十世紀初討喜的巴黎風輕歌劇總花稍俏皮。摩登紅男綠女,周旋在丈夫/情夫/妻子/情婦等身分間,錯綜複雜的關係交織出無傷大雅的調情戲碼,然後出雙入對圓滿大收場。台下觀眾看戲前、散場後流連各種公共場合,景象速寫如下:顧客川流不息的咖啡座;豪華餐廳的生鮮櫥窗展示著伏在碎冰上的生蠔、大龍蝦;梳著油頭、繫著白圍裙的服務生穿梭在窄小圓桌間;戀人在煙霧繚繞間細語呢喃.........................................

三餐不繼、閣樓裡缺不缺暖氣是另一回事,出了門就得光鮮亮麗,端起享受美好人生樣貌,好與花都巴黎相襯。這些皮相至今仍片段可見,不過似乎是追思朝聖的觀光客繼續撐起這樣的門面?上流社會的巴黎不對外開放,我無從得知;而小布爾喬亞的嚴苛面貌倒是隨處可見,他們的巴黎不包括地鐵裡混雜的各色人種,他們自有對巴黎的一套定義。我總是非常傾慕那種從外地人頭頂飄過,或視而不見的高傲淡漠眼神,我管它叫正宗巴黎風。夏天時我連在歐洲各地旅遊、學語文都會不經意遇見這樣彷彿百毒不侵的紅男綠女︰成熟且成對兒的總有本事自絕於周遭紛擾,讓旁人一見就知打首善花都來;年輕單身的通常有著難以相處的個性,但在情場上卻又無往不利,可堪夏日戀情冠軍頭銜。

用高傲淡漠 對抗過分脆弱的內裡

說到這裡不禁要歌頌一下我家附近的麵包店老闆娘。我住在出巴黎兩站地鐵的美好郊區,的確是巴黎的角落,但這角落旁緊臨的那區則是知名的大布爾喬亞集散地。某日我走進這家麵包店,老闆娘與某年輕男顧客討論著本區近年來被「外人」入侵且淪落之狀。我十分有耐心地排隊,讓他們毫不避諱的同聲一氣流進耳裡。老闆娘說因此他們早就舉家「往上」遷移至隔壁區,男顧客回道他可不敢肯定隔壁區是否就真的「完好無缺」。抱著數條法國麵包的他遲遲不離開櫃台,櫃台後的老闆娘及其妹也沒有做我生意的意思。

平日這位老闆娘裝模作樣的招呼就與她的刻薄格格不入,我念錯牌子上鬼畫符的糕點名稱她會大聲複述一次正確的;動作遲緩的老太太給她太多小零錢她會譏誚地說太完美了;太多青少年一起擠進店裡買一個可頌麵包她會跟下一個顧客抱怨現在的年輕人沒家教。但是就我長期的觀察來看,店裡顧客不曾少過,或許自有和她談得來的原住民;或許是因為麵包本業做得好,也算是才華傑出人士,大家也就不覺得她的舉止有何不妥之處。那日我兩手空空、不發一言走出麵包店,心裡翻湧著數種「給她好看」戲碼,但隔日ABC計畫全像洩了氣的皮球:抵制不買正合她意;看見她就走出店裡未免跟她同一層級;收集所有零錢給她整數則反讓自己落她口實。最後我只做了一件事:鞏固頑強的外人姿態。這則麵包店的啟示讓我殊途同歸地開始學會這種高傲淡漠的眼神,除了用以對抗巴黎小布爾喬亞嘴臉,更重要的是用來對抗自己某部分易受外在驚動、過分脆弱的內裡。

被困進了 「巴黎生活」的角落

事實上在巴黎越來越多的東方臉孔,特別是中國臉孔,足以讓我選擇隱身在龐大族群的庇蔭下安心度日;而正流行的中文、中國風又似乎離我的本行不遠,能讓我理直氣壯地穿戴新風潮如有神功護體。然而每星期日在中國城教華人子弟中文的我,看到語言文字及所謂的傳統習俗在此無牆的隔離區中被維持延續,並不覺得它構成了我在外地的歸屬。市儈無禮的中國餐廳老闆娘以強勢姿態對待單點散客;銀行華裔辦事員依你戶頭存款多少來決定服務態度;華人旅行社經辦員對你一再更改的行程不耐而掛你電話酘酘或許在世界各個角落這樣的插曲都會發生,非關巴黎中國城與否,而我背過身去的「外人姿態」不過是微不足道的個人執拗,然而我發現每當我應邀發表巴黎偏見時,真正困擾我的也許不是傳說中「巴黎生活」的美好皮相,而是我身邊所有生長於體制內且不曾質疑的人。他們不分中外,都披戴著各領域大多數人認可的價值觀而自成一堅固群體,在我試圖抵抗的同時,我也被困進了角落,自外於所有圓滿大收場。

【2005/05/17 聯合報】 @ http://udn.com

由 mrs.turtle 發表於 May 15, 2005 02:32 AM
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