January 12, 2007

轉載:茲心集》不是英國人

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【陳國慈】【2007/01/12 聯合報】

那個官員拿起護照一看,滿臉不悅的說:「妳的英國護照是香港簽發的,妳不是英國人,請妳到『外國人』(Alien)那邊排隊。」……

從小到大,聽聞身旁許多親戚、朋友、同學的移民經驗,這種現象恐怕不是每個國家的人民都有的,因為,再怎麼樣,大家都有一個自己的國家,而我們,從小被教育,國家不在這裡,我們應該胸懷更遠大的地方,甚至用"省"來矮化自己,也因此,不把台灣當成是"家"的人,大有人在。

這個現象,至今仍舊,安排產婦到美國生產的代辦中心,生個拿綠卡的小孩;到國外求學,當然也要捱到拿居留權的年限再說;再不就把小孩當小小留學生送出去,然後自己辛苦的坐移民監,年年兩地奔波,很多家庭因此離散(因為爸爸在台灣外遇了);要不是就是用技術移民之類的名義申請,總之,管道很多。

在英國,當然也碰到許多想辦法等英國居留權的同學,或者嫁作英國婦,更有一位台灣留學生,幾年前趕著在愛爾蘭還沒更改屬地主義的規定前,安排到愛爾蘭生小孩,因為,只要不是拿那本一點用處都沒有的台灣護照,不管哪裡都好。

之前,在捷克旅途中,還會自我調侃,偷兒如果拿到這本護照,一定說「今天真倒楣!」,因為全世界這麼大,卻沒一個地方有用。

有時候想想,其實很矛盾,拿了非台灣的護照,離開了這個島,真的就會變得比較快樂嗎?很想知道他們內心深處的寄託究竟是什麼?因為,到現在,我還堅信當個台灣人,回到屬於自己的土地上,才有真正踏實的快樂,那裡,才有我的根,我的家,我的語言,我的成長記憶,我的文化認同,還有我的食物。

為什麼突然想這麼多?其實是看了一篇文章有感而發。

【陳國慈】【2007/01/12 聯合報】

那個官員拿起護照一看,滿臉不悅的說:「妳的英國護照是香港簽發的,妳不是英國人,請妳到『外國人』(Alien)那邊排隊。」……

半世紀前英國殖民地的香港,「好學校」跟「不講中文、不教中文」必然畫上等號,我就生長在這種環境裡。從幼稚園到高中畢業我念的是同一所學校,我的母校是香港公認的名校,當然它要求「不講中文、不教中文」的標準也是最高的。我念書的時候,只要穿上學校的制服,哪怕在公車、港九渡輪上都一律不許講中文。學校還設計出各種檢舉制度,由學生互相監視,但成果不多,其實也並不需要。因為當時多半的香港人都以講英語為榮,恨不得自己變成英國人。

小學六年級之前,勉強每周還有兩節各四十分鐘的中文課;小五之後,學校告訴我們,既然我們是英國小孩,英文當然是我們的母語,能多學「第二」語言也不錯,但是應該選擇比中文更現代的先進語言,如法文、德文、拉丁文,對我們的未來會更有幫助。我興奮的選了德文,往後除了滿口英文,我跟學法文的同學們還「Guten Morgen」來、「Bonjour」去,十分得意。當然從此再也沒有接受過正統的中文教育。我是如此,我的同學當然也如此,一切顯得那麼自然。中學畢業四十多年來,我們同學見面時還是以英文交談最自在;通信更不用說了,多半同學已不會寫中文。

本來就覺得中文好難學,又有一點土,終於不必學中文了,很樂,何況老師不都說我們是英國人嗎?在學校,我們只學英國歷史、英國文學,甚至家政課上也只學燒一堆十分難吃的英國菜。沒想到,知道這情形的父親居然大怒。身為第二代原籍福建的緬甸華僑,父親一向為了他只會講閩南話,卻不會看或寫中文感到羞恥。聽到我在學校不再學中文了,父親大發脾氣,說他生長在窮困的緬甸鄉下,沒有機會學中文,只好認了。但到我這一代,在百分之九十九以上的人口為「唐人」(華僑口中的中國人)的香港,也學不到中文,他完全不能接受。爭吵許久,他堅持聘請中文老師為我繼續補習中文。父親請來的是當時五十多歲,從未出嫁的趙麗芬老師,從此一直到七年後高中畢業,每周三次到趙老師家上中文課,竟成了我青春期的一大酷刑。趙老師以一種使命感的狂熱,將一個個字、一句句成語硬是逼著我學習。甚至我去倫敦念法律的前夕,奉父親之命去向趙老師辭行,她不但不領情,還說:「妳到了英國更沒有機會學中文了,我們不要浪費今天最後一堂課,妳把上次那些成語再複習一次吧!」我當時只感覺──真衰!

告別趙老師,不到四十八小時降落在倫敦希斯洛機場。手持著英國護照,我很自然的在「英國公民」(British citizen)區排隊等待通關。輪到我時,那個官員拿起護照一看,滿臉不悅的說:「妳的英國護照是香港簽發的,妳不是英國人,請妳到『外國人』(Alien)那邊排隊。」到今天,我始終認為官員那句話是畢生最震撼的wake-up call。短短的幾分鐘,從不解,到長期被欺騙的憤怒、委屈,化成完全迷失,我只想哭。當「外國人」區的官員友善的問我:「妳是哪裡人?」我心虛的遞上我的(香港)英國護照,不知如何回答,卻第一次發現原來自己不是英國人。

那年我十七歲。接下來在不同國家工作,直到三十一年前定居台灣後,終於找到一份很自在的歸屬感,我漸漸不再去研究自己是哪裡人了。但是有一天我發現大學畢業後我似乎只在法律工作或一般通訊上使用英語。雖然我的中文程度還是不好,但每次想表達自己內心的感受時,我還是只想用中文。我同時發現過去四十多年來當我第一次寫中文信、看第一本中文小說(瓊瑤的《窗外》)、第一次用中文演講、出版第一本中文法律書,以及今天我第一次寫專欄,自然而然都會想起我那位固執的「唐人」父親以及板著臉的趙老師。不同的是現在已經沒有當年「真衰」的感覺,反而對他們充滿懷念。

由 mrs.turtle 發表於 January 12, 2007 03:22 AM | 引用
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chenyan 發表於 July 28, 2016 09:24 AM

Rebeca Chang,
在這個社會上
要找到自己的立身之處
的確非常非常困難的
妳我都一樣
祝福妳囉

mrs.turtle 發表於 October 10, 2008 12:26 AM

我是混血兒,我和小孩都長的像拉丁美洲人,雖然我們都以台灣人中國人自居,但老被當成外國人,希望我的孫子長的完全是華人模樣,不要再做邊緣人

Rebeca Chang 發表於 October 8, 2008 07:22 AM

曼谷的粉絲,
好樣的呀
相信總有一天這本護照也是會被承認的

mrs.turtle 發表於 July 21, 2007 02:47 PM

走遍世界各地...我就是愛台灣!!我以拿台灣護照(雖然去到各個地方都要visa)和對外國人說"I am from Taiwan"為榮喲~~~

曼谷的粉絲 發表於 July 14, 2007 05:01 AM

mainlander,
這個我就沒經驗囉~

turtle 發表於 February 3, 2007 07:21 PM

PRC的护照应该比ROC的更没有用吧...

mainlander 發表於 February 2, 2007 02:48 PM

Mrs Turtle
我十分同意您悲觀的意見, 但世上總有些堅持要不可為而為老化石. ^_!

Joyce
從歷史上看, 不見得從前皇朝時代表現在民主, 相信那時候私塾學院的教育也存在不少禁區, 但為甚麼卻陸續出現了老莊、孔孟、二程、張載、朱熹、王船山、牟宗三等人物. 這, 值得我們這一代好好思考, 思考一下文化傳承的意義與價值. 我不泥古, 相信文化要隨時代更新, 但更相信時代汰存的下來的「遺產」所代表的價值. @_@

stone 發表於 January 18, 2007 04:40 PM

Joyce,
現在的老師真是難為啊
什麼都不能碰觸
大概連重話也不能多說吧
每個都是寶貝兒子寶貝女兒
實在辛苦啊
不過政治當然還是不要碰
這東西在台灣已經失去該有的理性
只要被冠上政治
就沒完沒了囉
ps.我還以為"省"已經是個化石,才敢說的

David Chang,
還是拍照好玩
這個話題看看就好

突然想到
不知道現在在台灣"拍照"
會不會也很容易"泛政治化"
因為很多題材拍起來都很敏感
影像中也凸顯了這些政治情節!?

已經列好一卡車的拍攝地點
我們再來好好商量一下吧

turtle 發表於 January 16, 2007 01:37 AM

Dear Mrs Turtle,

對不起
也許我太政治化了
但你所引用陳國慈的文章
第一段就在探討國家認同問題
很難無法讓讀者不政治化

Anyway
可能是自己有被害妄想症吧
南部人北部人本省人外省人台灣人中國人

真煩人

對 我叫真煩人

哈哈哈

期待下次一起外拍

David Chang 發表於 January 16, 2007 12:42 AM

stone你說要從文化育教育下手
但是因為現在是非黑白不明
一切都可能被用政治語言來解讀
所以政治是老師在學校"不能"敎的事
因為沒有正確答案
任何的碰觸都可能被指為有意的引導
這個期待
我想 給教育者太多壓力了... ...

台灣是國?是省?
這當然不能跟政治議題撇清ㄚ! Turtle!
不過我認為不管相信哪一個答案
只要願意留下來努力
就是愛台灣
只是... ...有時真覺得"恨鐵不成鋼"
好像努力是沒用的... ....無力感很重ㄚ~

Joyce 發表於 January 15, 2007 07:50 AM

一張發票一份心﹐建設國家真溫馨。

idqpbi 發表於 January 15, 2007 01:23 AM

stone,
我想應該不會有這麼一天會出現!?

Euphtw,
人各有志
也各有自己的價值觀
只是自己不會選擇這樣的方式
或許有人在國外
才能找到讓自己發揮的舞台
但我總覺得
能回去為自己的"家"盡點力
是我的最佳選擇

Omosessualità,
你這段回應我有點看不懂捏
這文也會讓你想起選舉?

David Chang,
我大概能理解你的說法
這是個地球村的年代
飛機一來一往
下一刻鐘你就可以從這一洲飛到另一洲
人的確是不能把自己侷限在某個狹隘的地方
ps.也請不要用"政治"來解讀這篇文,我還沒想那麼多哩

阿妙,
辛苦囉
現在很多人都用這樣的方式在對岸生活著
是嗎

turtle 發表於 January 14, 2007 11:53 PM

我是為生活在大陸打拼的辛苦人.
因我們的產業在台灣已經無法經營.
只好離鄉背井求生活.
為孩子的教育,我們選擇有台灣康軒版的私立雙語學校,我們很感謝學校的董事們,為我們的孩子走偏鋒.
雖有人覺得國外月亮比較圓,
但大部份人還是認定月是故鄉的美.

阿妙 發表於 January 14, 2007 09:23 AM

大道廢 有仁義
智慧出 有大偽
六親不合有孝慈
國家昏亂有忠臣

我可以了解作者對於國家觀念的感嘆
對我無法同意作者的觀點

我來自台灣 但我不局限在台灣
我是地球人 世界各地都是我的家

把範圍所小一點

我來自台北 但我不侷限在台北
我是台灣人 台灣各地都是我的家

這不是墻頭草的問題
而是這個世界上有太多的政治人物
用地域的觀念去分離人群
所以我索性乾脆當個無政府人民

我來自台灣
但我不相信沒台灣我會活不下去
這不是愛不愛國的問題
這是能不能讓思想解放的問題
〈哈哈哈 這句話聽起來很像共產黨的用語 隨你去想吧 哈哈〉

David Chang 發表於 January 14, 2007 12:55 AM

這篇文章讓我想到去年北高市長選舉時,我放在Flickr的一張照片,還有這幾天一名大陸學生在我那裡的留言,及兩岸的政治現實的事情。光是和那個大陸學生留言辯論就會想到大陸對我們的情形,不論是政治、經濟、體育各方面…。很深很深的感受…

Omosessualità 發表於 January 13, 2007 03:25 PM

"因為,到現在,我還堅信當個台灣人,回到屬於自己的土地上,才有真正踏實的快樂,那裡,才有我的根,我的家,我的語言,我的成長記憶,我的文化認同,還有我的食物。"
絕對認同妳的想法,而且心有戚戚焉!現在人在國外,抱持著武俠小說裡到山裡拜師求藝的心態,武功絕學學成之後,我也要回到我唯一的家—台灣。
國外很好很美很新鮮,但都不屬於我,我也永遠不屬於它。所以,我也永遠不能理解,想生個美國小孩,和想盡辦法不回台灣留學生的心態。

Euphtw 發表於 January 12, 2007 06:43 PM

國人的自我認同與否定, 是一種價值取向. 因此要改變他們的取向, 相信只有從文化與教育等方面(像外國人如英法德人等)作出深刻反省與努力, 才有望慢慢的扭轉. 這是很傷感且無奈的事實...

stone 發表於 January 12, 2007 10:21 AM
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