May 23, 2007

魚兒的香港明信片

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接連兩天收到明信片,真是開心哪!
前陣子East去中國巡迴演講,魚兒跟著去觀光,回來說了很多有趣的搞笑經驗,害我們在Skype上的對話,全都變成了京片子。

聊完天的隔一天報紙,看見了一篇幾乎跟他們倆兒一樣際遇的廣州行,真是見鬼了,而且這文字像是在說相聲啊。

超自然婚禮

馮翊綱/聯合報

四月初,一場大雷雨阻隔了香港赤鱲角和廣州新白雲機場的航線,原本早該起飛的班次,據說還停在廣州,根本沒有起飛。

廣州,孫中山所領導的國民革命聖地之一,陳炯明砲轟越秀樓,轟出了一個保駕的蔣介石,更不用說還有紀念七十二烈士的黃花崗。然而這些都沒能夠吸引我走一趟廣州,我甚至敢大方承認,從來沒動過要去這個城市的念頭。

一場婚禮,是的,台灣郎迎娶大陸妹,很典型。新郎的父母年老,且有一人不良於行,實在吃不了跋涉轉機的苦頭,新郎央請我出席,至少讓男方這邊有個人,順便還要代表家長說兩句話。

說「兩句話」?難不倒我!我詞兒可多了。然而飛機不飛,可怨不得我。

在原定班表的四個小時後,飛機來了,而且要飛返廣州。世界上排名數一數二的香港國際機場,遠遠將我們這個無論「歪名」或「正名」的寶島機場,排名都狠狠甩在後頭;然而一誤點,也顯得左支右絀。豪雨中,不少班機受到影響,即使有數十個閘口,也發生了骨牌效應。我該上的這班飛機,停在外線機坪,得坐接駁車。

我約了女朋友,利用春假到北京走走,一則看看朋友,二則有幾家頗為想念的飯館,三則我吹了牛,說過什麼「到北京就跟我走吧」這類的狂話。因此,要結婚的新郎認為,既然原本就要去北京,「路經廣州就很方便了」。哪兒方便?怎麼方便?

女朋友薇薇落得開心,一則多玩一個城市,二則,據說廣東菜非常偉大,一桌酒席絕差不了!我心想:男方本就缺人,多一席就是具有代表性的一席呀!

這一等一的香港機場,上接駁車還發雨衣,不必了!雨幾乎停了,從下車到登機,幾個台階,淋不死人的。萬沒想到車一開,積在車頂燈罩裡的水「嘩嘩」地飆了出來,潑得我整背!一個矮個兒的洋人老太太,工整穿著雨衣,穩穩握著扶把,徐徐地對我說:「See, The raincoat just for this!」多餘!

據說廣九鐵路也很方便,但我想既然這次沒選,下次也沒有自主計畫前往廣州,就不多提了。飛機居然讓我們在天還沒黑透前抵達了!進旅館、換衣服、前往擺酒席的飯店。

廣州的計程車是怎麼了?滿街都是,多得很,但你在路邊招手,他不理你!就近走到一個辦公大樓的騎樓下,門口保全問道:「你們是在這裡上班洽公的人嗎?」不是……「不是?到火車站前面排隊去!」原來大樓背後,就是廣州鐵路東站,門前人也排隊、車也排隊。

排隊總比不排隊好,台北的百貨公司,不也是排隊坐計程車嘛。可是,這廣州的計程車到底是怎麼了?既然排著老長的隊,就一輛接著一輛的來吧?偏不!人在這頭,車在那頭,開走一輛,後面不動,非得招手,他才上來。「去哪裡?」「某某酒店。」呼嚕軋吱的就衝出去!不知道是不是我們要去的地方距離太近,惹他生氣了?

薇薇這時候問我:「他們這裡都這樣一直廣播呀?」「什麼廣播?」「車站前提醒大家注意扒手的廣播。」對,確實有,我因為經常往來大陸,對一些「不怎麼特殊」的事物已經適應了。廣播的內容不外乎是:小心扒手、注意隨身物品、不要購買陌生人提供的票、不要跟陌生人換錢……諸如此類。看來,確實經常有「陌生人」在惹事,而公營單位也確實做到了「為人民服務」,而不再是「為人民洗腦」……這麼說也不全然公道,用廣播洗腦的時代,我並沒有經歷,只是從一些號稱「寫實」的大陸劇情電影看來的。但我胡扯一通,逗得薇薇很開心,倒也不錯。

原來新娘不是廣州人,是湖南人。新郎新娘跑去湖南登記結婚,廣州酒宴,專為請新娘在廣州上班的同事;我看這公司不大,新娘的家人來了幾位(湖南來的,也或許總數就是這幾位),還有幾個同學,再加上男方親友這「兩位」,總共沒有坐滿四桌。我和新娘的父親不投話緣,有一搭沒一搭,他自稱是老師,在中學教物理,我就作了個下聯:我也是老師,在大學教藝術。我不想告訴他我另一個身分,免得他太有興趣或太沒有興趣,我都不會好受。

就這麼幾桌客人,還延遲開席,幾乎要九點了才上菜,相較之下,台灣酒席的延遲狀態是接近合理的。輪到我講那「兩句話」了,不忘多加一句結尾:有機會大家到台灣來玩,我招待各位到阿里山看日出、到日月潭划小船……沒有效果?既沒人笑,也沒人叫好,甚至沒人鼓掌……是景點退流行了?還是大家明知「沒機會」?

啊……我後來懂了。我說了一句「空話」,我不搞政治,卻學著說空話,一下就被看破手腳了。

回程,計程車爆胎,司機手腳奇快,幾分鐘就搞定。我心裡也沒打算急,這一整天超自然的際遇,總該見怪不怪。倒是薇薇噗哧笑了:「那個乳豬太絕了!」「乳豬怎麼了?」我是記得那酒席正中的烤全豬,但怎麼了?「牠的眼睛為什麼要塞兩顆紅燈泡!還一閃一閃的!」啊……我記起來了!確實是燈泡!只是當時沒意會過來,把它當作紅櫻桃了。我也笑了。

根本沒機會正眼看看廣州……我也敢大方承認:我沒打算正眼看看。次日我們前往北京,玩了五天,一路妥妥貼貼,也就不提了。

噢……對了……那個新郎。是我親弟弟。

由 mrs.turtle 發表於 May 23, 2007 02:40 PM | 引用
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lcklck16 發表於 March 31, 2017 12:53 PM

恩恩:)期望2010年广州举行亚洲运动会之际城市环境能有所改良,也能发掘出其内秀低调的文化的应有光彩吧:)

CC 發表於 June 10, 2007 06:48 AM

CC,
可以想見一個外來人口密集的城市
一定有不少問題會發生
尤其正處於大力經濟發展的同時
很多東西都不比賺錢來得重要
很期待不只是追隨西方的腳步
如何保有自己的文化
也是很重要的
你也加油囉~

mrs.turtle 發表於 June 1, 2007 10:48 AM

我是广州人,也曾经在英国读书,很遗憾广州给人这样的感觉,但是我觉得沿途一瞥这并不代表整座城市,不能代表里面的每一个人。广州是一个流动人口很大的城市,正因为发展吸引了这么多打工的人,也令原本秀气的城市变得不堪重负;外来人口的不定性也让广州人戒备心重。内心里我们都很向往西方的高度文明,希望自己可以为她的进步尽一点绵力。

夫人的图文一直像细雨润心田,在此感谢~要加油啊~

CC 發表於 May 30, 2007 02:38 PM

你筆誤了吧east

fish 發表於 May 25, 2007 02:08 AM

Fish,
出租車
挖哩咧
請用我們看得懂得詞啦

East,
現在在blog上講話也是要特別小心
不然會被挑語病的
"同胞"一詞
不妥
退件~~

德朵 發表於 May 24, 2007 08:34 PM

有時候真的覺得這些同胞又氣又好笑
也許是因為國情不同
很多事情都很新鮮

我們這次去了三個地方
依喜好的程度剛好有個比較
香港>北京>廣州

fish趕快寫打D司機的趣事 超爆笑的
(叫計程車=打出租車=打的士=打D)

east 發表於 May 24, 2007 11:07 AM

這篇真是妙極了
非常非常非常貼切
我也要來寫篇出租車奇遇

btw 那維多利亞港夜景 本該像明信片一樣
可是因為空氣污染太嚴重 都給薄霧壟罩
不過 還是挺美的

fish 發表於 May 23, 2007 12:47 PM
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